• Stephen Colbert: Figured out how to monetize cat-breading: Add dog-baguetteing. I'm gonna make a fortune!

    12:59:21 am ET Feb 3rd from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Great. Now I can't get Newt's version of "Eye of the Tiger" out of my head. I'll be humming about the Founders' faith all night.

    12:54:42 am ET Feb 3rd from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Tonight, I disclose the hard numbers on my SuperPac. Here's a preview: 4.

    11:01:17 pm ET Feb 2nd from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney have combined into a Frankenstein creature named Nitt Romgrich. It cries coconut milk. #preparethem

    12:31:47 pm ET Feb 2nd from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Mitt Romney is electric! In that it's very possible he's powered by a 12-volt battery. #preparethem

    10:21:32 am ET Feb 2nd from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Newt Gingrich married his High School Math Teacher. Not a #preparethem tweet, just true.

    10:11:41 am ET Feb 2nd from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Mitt Romney has the sense of humor of a brick in a washing machine, just not the rhythm. #preparethem

    8:56:29 am ET Feb 2nd from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Newt Gingrich is actually the Michelin Man with a coat of peach paint and a wig. #preparethem.

    8:26:20 am ET Feb 2nd from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Mitt Romney's favorite Star Wars movie is: all six of them are pretty good, which one do you like? That's his favorite too! #preparethem

    6:30:53 am ET Feb 2nd from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Newt Gingrich will stick with this campaign until the convention...unless his publisher stops selling his book. #preparethem

    6:10:09 am ET Feb 2nd from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Mitt is concerned about the very poor in this country--specifically, that they might get their germs on him. #preparethem

    3:31:25 am ET Feb 2nd from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Newt Gingrich is a family values candidate. He values families so much, he's had three! #preparethem

    3:20:31 am ET Feb 2nd from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Mitt Romney will make an absolutely fearless Commander-in-Chief, because fear is a human emotion. #preparethem

    2:40:14 am ET Feb 2nd from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Newt has as much chance becoming president as he does mayor of his moon base. Actually, moon base mayor is far more likely. #preparethem

    2:10:56 am ET Feb 2nd from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Mitt Romney does not want to fire you, unless it is absolutely, positively possible. Romney 2012! #preparethem

    1:30:13 am ET Feb 2nd from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: No one should question Newt's moral character. Especially since the answers will haunt your dreams. Newt 2012! #preparethem

    1:16:03 am ET Feb 2nd from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Newt's only hope for your vote is if you've been in a coma for 20 years. And if you have, he probably divorced you. Newt 2012! #preparethem

    12:39:29 am ET Feb 2nd from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Mitt Romney is not a vulture capitalist. Vultures only eat things that are dead. Romney 2012! #preparethem

    12:39:12 am ET Feb 2nd from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: History is written by the winners. However, the penises drawn in history books are often written by the 5th graders.

    12:01:29 pm ET Feb 1st from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Sometimes Sarah Palin confuses Rage Against the Machine with their conservative counterparts Obey the Machine.

    12:46:26 am ET Feb 1st from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Awwwwww shucky ducky! It's as much fun to type as it is to shucky duck!

    12:40:41 am ET Feb 1st from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Tonight, my guest Björk's new album combines music and science. When Thomas Dolby tried this, he was tragically blinded.

    9:59:00 pm ET Jan 31st from web

  • Stephen Colbert: I just put an invisible fence collar on my Super Pac money so it can't run away again.

    12:50:45 am ET Jan 31st from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: If those explosives-detecting dolphins are so smart, how come they've never found a land mine?

    12:42:29 am ET Jan 31st from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Is it weird that when Jon was hanging upside down, I wanted him to wear a Spiderman mask and call me Mary Jane?

    12:35:21 am ET Jan 31st from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Send my SuperPAC hostage $ care packages! Seriously the Ben Franklins have started to eat the Alexander Hamiltons http://t.co/QEyswj3Y

    11:01:13 am ET Jan 29th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: New Money Pro Tip: Don't buy individually-wrapped caviar. Too much work.

    9:30:16 pm ET Jan 28th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Jon Stewart stole my Super PAC, Donate now and write how angry you are on the check's memo line! http://t.co/QEyswj3Y

    1:01:12 pm ET Jan 28th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: I want to give a Shout Out to Middlebury College, specifically the Half Years and the Coffrin Tales! Enjoy your points.

    6:36:19 pm ET Jan 27th from web

  • Stephen Colbert: Working over 11 hrs/day doubles your risk of depression. But when you work in TV, that's a sacrifice you have to have Jay the Intern make.

    6:02:36 pm ET Jan 27th from SocialOomph

Stephen Colbert on Twitter


Best known for: Leader of the Colbert Nation
Following: 0
Followers: 3,059,726
Twitter ID: StephenAtHome
Career tweets: 2,086
Tweeting online since: September 15, 2008
In category: Media

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