• Stephen Colbert: Rick Santorum wrote an op-ed about the filth in "Finding Nemo." #InMyHeart

    4:10:17 am ET Mar 16th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Rick Santorum was the basis for Haley Joel Osment's character in "The Sixth Sense." #InMyHeart

    2:20:37 am ET Mar 16th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Rick Santorum hasn't played basketball since he accidentally chest-bumped a teammate. #InMyHeart

    1:25:31 am ET Mar 16th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Rick Santorum has body hair in the exact shape of his sweater vest. #InMyHeart

    12:41:56 am ET Mar 16th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: A new species of frog has been discovered in New York City. Although it's living in Hoboken to save on rent.

    12:01:37 pm ET Mar 15th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Those gorillas may be terrorizing a small town, but their dream is to get noticed and terrorize Hollywood.

    12:52:15 am ET Mar 15th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: We thought we'd lost Kermit the Frog before his segment. It was a mistake to put him in the green room.

    12:46:40 am ET Mar 15th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Of course Goldman Sachs called their clients "muppets." Some of them ended up living in garbage cans.

    12:41:33 am ET Mar 15th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: There has never been a bigger pay cut in history than going from Goldman Sachs to being published in the New York Times.

    12:35:45 am ET Mar 15th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: I really think I offended my houseplant tonight. He hasn't talked to me since I yelled at him.

    1:30:12 am ET Mar 14th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Romney won Guam and the Marianas Islands. He's been prepping for years by sending his money to islands.

    12:41:02 am ET Mar 13th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: I'm glad someone is trying to preserve the world's folk music. You never know -- one day we may run out of jugs and spoons.

    12:50:58 am ET Mar 9th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Obama says he won't take any option off the table for Iran. Great. You let them know about our secret nuclear table!

    12:50:11 am ET Mar 8th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: After last night, Super Tuesday can put its glasses back on and return to work as a mild-mannered newspaper reporter.

    12:40:10 am ET Mar 8th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: How many Physicists does it take to change a light bulb? Seriously. I have 4 on retainer now & I need to trim my household budget.

    12:35:48 am ET Mar 8th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Little-known fact: that Quaker guy on the oatmeal box is naked from the waist down.

    11:01:44 am ET Mar 7th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: This morning at breakfast, I think I got some cheap Russian Alphabits - half of the R's were backwards!

    10:01:13 am ET Mar 7th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Congratulations to President-elect Putin! I look forward to recycling this tweet for decades to come.

    11:56:34 am ET Mar 6th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Advertisers are abandoning Rush Limbaugh. Where will Summer's Eve find a spokesperson now?

    12:46:14 am ET Mar 6th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: You know that warm, tingly feeling you get when your foot falls asleep? That's how I feel about Mitt.

    12:41:06 am ET Mar 6th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Scientists say a 5,000-year-old ice mummy was lactose intolerant. Great--just more mastadon yogurt for me.

    4:12:32 pm ET Mar 2nd from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Yo Mama's so fat, she's at high risk for contracting Type 2 Diabetes! It's funny because for 10 million Americans it's true. Still got it!

    12:50:24 am ET Mar 2nd from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Happy Birthday, Justin Bieber! See you tonight at the big surprise par---ka convention. (Phew, almost spoiled the surprise party!)

    10:57:11 pm ET Mar 1st from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Tonight, my guest Claire Danes plays a CIA agent in the Showtime drama "HOMELAND." Wait, if she's here, who's pretending to protect America?

    9:40:37 pm ET Mar 1st from web

  • Stephen Colbert: @WilliamShatner brought four friends with him to the show tonight. Unfortunately, the one in the red shirt didn't make it out alive.

    12:58:03 am ET Mar 1st from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: I'm a great tipper. Heck, sometimes that's all the money I leave!

    12:35:42 am ET Mar 1st from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Tonight, my guest is @WilliamShatner. In his honor, there's a monster on the wing of my show.

    11:01:52 pm ET Feb 29th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Despite their name, Thin Mints are not a diet aid.

    1:21:21 pm ET Feb 29th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: Just drank my second bottle of 500-Hour Energy, so I should be good for another 1000 shows. BTW: I'm writing this while strangling a boar.

    1:01:34 am ET Feb 29th from SocialOomph

  • Stephen Colbert: If we take away those long rods gas stations use to change their signs, gas prices will never go up again. YOU'RE WELCOME.

    12:43:23 am ET Feb 29th from SocialOomph

Stephen Colbert on Twitter


Best known for: Leader of the Colbert Nation
Following: 0
Followers: 3,460,097
Twitter ID: StephenAtHome
Career tweets: 2,255
Tweeting online since: September 15, 2008
In category: Media

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