• Conan OBrien: Absolutely stunned to hear the news about Robin Williams. It's unimaginable to me that we've lost such a genuinely funny and sweet man.

    1:53:38 am ET Aug 12th from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: I’m known throughout LA’s Karaoke bar scene as “the Closer.”

    5:58:13 pm ET Jul 26th from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: Recently decided that eating cherries is no longer worth the effort.

    12:39:54 am ET Jul 26th from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: Perfection is something I regularly atain.

    4:55:14 am ET Jul 25th from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: You asked for it, here it is: my cameo in #SharktopusVsPteracuda. And when I say "you," I mean "no one." -> http://t.co/Bv5qREgdte

    3:22:06 am ET Jul 24th from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: I’ve been in my office with the door closed for an hour and a half, thinking about how weird a name “Jolly Rancher” is.

    10:01:14 pm ET Jul 23rd from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: An apple a day keeps the doctor away, especially if you shoot the apple out of a T-shirt cannon at the doctor’s face.

    3:10:57 am ET Jul 23rd from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: People keep asking me for more footage from my Tinder sexcapade with Dave Franco. Here it is, perverts: http://t.co/OLsARAjLK5

    8:48:41 pm ET Jul 21st from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: Hostess is bringing back the chocolate covered Twinkie. Anyone looking to eat healthy should just stick to the regular Twinkie.

    12:49:43 am ET Jul 21st from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: The U.S. Census bureau found that only 7% of Americans identify themselves as bisexual. This is shocking new to anyone who watches porn.

    2:07:03 am ET Jul 20th from Twitter for Android

  • Conan OBrien: Not sure I’m on board with the idea of “6 Californias.” But I am very interested in the idea of 35 Rhode Islands.

    10:52:31 pm ET Jul 18th from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: Tonight Dave Franco helps me learn about Tinder. Also tonight, I learn how cruel the internet can be. http://t.co/c5hpTFiEcj

    2:31:57 am ET Jul 18th from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: So Stephen Colbert debuted the first masturbating bear? Tonight, I make @StephenAtHome pay for his grotesque lie.  

    3:53:36 am ET Jul 17th from Twitter for Android

  • Conan OBrien: In recent speeches, President Obama has been calling on Americans to stop being so cynical. He’s probably getting paid to say that.

    10:58:44 pm ET Jul 15th from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: Dawn of the Planet of the Apes has some pretty crass product placement, especially the scene where the apes start wearing Skechers.

    9:18:59 pm ET Jul 14th from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: Gonna kick this BBQ off right with my favorite summer groove: Bjork’s “Human Behaviour.”

    1:22:12 am ET Jul 14th from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: Ladies, let’s just say that the carpet matches whatever the metaphor for back hair would be.

    10:36:36 pm ET Jul 12th from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: I’m having martial problems. That’s not a typo, I have trouble conducting myself properly during wartime.

    8:08:00 pm ET Jul 11th from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: Money-saving tip: for one week, eat all your meals at a Shell gas station.

    11:21:38 pm ET Jul 10th from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: I always thought that “Irish step dancing” should be called “Irish, stop dancing.”

    6:46:45 pm ET Jul 9th from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: Sure, the Silver Surfer is a cool comic book character, but I prefer the Pewter Boogie Boarder.

    9:51:22 pm ET Jul 8th from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: To save time I’m combining two tweets. Sure, if you like tomatoes, that is!

    9:49:13 pm ET Jul 7th from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: Why do we put all this pressure on clouds to look like other things? Let’s let clouds be clouds!

    11:23:10 pm ET Jul 6th from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: My Golden Retriever sure loves his new fedora and shades from Douchebag Dogs.

    1:10:04 am ET Jul 6th from Twitter for Android

  • Conan OBrien: DON¹T watch "The 4th of Julie", it is NOT about our country's independence. Deleting browser history now.

    8:11:16 pm ET Jul 4th from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: I buy all my flags on July 5th.

    7:32:21 pm ET Jul 3rd from web

  • Conan OBrien: My favorite song about a haunted concierge desk would probably have to be “Hotel California.”

    7:08:51 pm ET Jul 2nd from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: Why do assumptions always require you to “work under” them? I’d rather “play over” them! (Conan hits send, has phone taken away by nurse)

    1:40:25 am ET Jul 2nd from Twitter for Android

  • Conan OBrien: I'm going to miss the World Cup when it's over. It¹ll be hard to go into a bar & not hear people yelling about something I don¹t understand.

    9:23:45 pm ET Jun 30th from Twitter Web Client

  • Conan OBrien: My kids have really been inspired by this year's World Cup.  My son just bit our dog.

    6:08:47 am ET Jun 30th from Twitter for Android

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Conan OBrien on Twitter

Hails from: Los Angeles
Bio: The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Best known for: NBC cast-off
Following: 1
Followers: 11,282,724
Twitter ID: ConanOBrien
Career tweets: 1,724
Tweeting online since: February 18, 2010
In category: Other

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