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Conan OBrien: If the government shuts down, the IRS will be closed, according to my accountant, Wesley Snipes.5:18:21 pm ET Apr 8th from web
- Conan OBrien: A guy cut me off in traffic, and I called him a stupid f***. My kids asked what that meant, and I told them it means he can’t f***ing drive.
6:07:10 pm ET Apr 7th from web
- Conan OBrien: Due to a tech snafu in Atlanta, my show did not air on the West Coast last night. We will re-air the Led Zeppelin reunion soon.
2:53:03 pm ET Apr 6th from web
- Conan OBrien: Sorry, Twitter. I'm going to be unfaithful to you tonight. I'm liveblogging tonight's show on Facebook right now: http://on.fb.me/a0bUDj
11:58:12 pm ET Apr 5th from web
- Conan OBrien: The federal government might shut down on Friday, which means on Saturday morning, this bad boy is gonna park his car in a loading zone.
6:11:18 pm ET Apr 5th from web
- Conan OBrien: If I’m ever a ghost, I hope the person I haunt has Netflix.
8:17:40 pm ET Apr 4th from web
- Conan OBrien: The other day, California high school students sang for the Pope, or as they referred to him, “The Dude in the Hat.”
7:30:14 pm ET Apr 3rd from web
- Conan OBrien: Found this in my yard this morning. Anyone know what it is? Should I not have put it in my pants? Help. http://bit.ly/f0sE3c
9:20:24 pm ET Apr 2nd from web
- Conan OBrien: My April Fools' Day prank at airport security did not go well. You may not see me Monday.
2:46:19 pm ET Apr 1st from web
- Conan OBrien: I like to teach my kids that they can do anything. For example this year, our taxes.
3:49:34 pm ET Mar 31st from web
- Conan OBrien: Sweet. I just discovered the number of wrongs that make a right.
5:26:17 pm ET Mar 30th from web
- Conan OBrien: Yesterday, President Obama admitted that he owns an iPad. Obama says he uses it to play his favorite game, “Angry Birthers.”
2:27:54 am ET Mar 30th from web
- Conan OBrien: Had that dream again last night where the GEICO lizard makes me hold his legs down while he does sit-ups.
3:04:30 pm ET Mar 28th from web
- Conan OBrien: I am really experiencing “pain at the pump.” I am also really hurting from the price of gas.
3:49:25 pm ET Mar 27th from web
- Conan OBrien: My plan is to buy a ticket for “The Lincoln Lawyer” and then sneak into “Sucker Punch.”
3:51:10 pm ET Mar 26th from web
- Conan OBrien: Thanks @charliesheen for the compliment. To clarify, I'm 7'1", a super genius, and those aren't freckles -- it's male menopausal acne.
7:24:48 pm ET Mar 25th from web
- Conan OBrien: Thanks @charliesheen for the compliment. To clarify, I'm 7"1', a super genius, and those aren't freckles -- it's male menopausal acne.
7:11:51 pm ET Mar 25th from web
- Conan OBrien: Worst pick up line for this time of year: "Want to see my final four?"
2:06:28 pm ET Mar 25th from web
- Conan OBrien: Charlie Sheen is doing a 21-city comedy tour. Being a mentally unstable out of work TV star on tour was my idea.
3:56:07 pm ET Mar 24th from web
- Conan OBrien: Just got a new iPhone app that lets me shorten “app” to “ap.”
1:17:59 pm ET Mar 23rd from web
- Conan OBrien: Ah, Springtime in L.A.! It reminds me of Fall in L.A.
6:49:17 pm ET Mar 22nd from web
- Conan OBrien: Sometimes I worry that we Americans have lost sight of the true meaning of Bampflugnax Day.
5:47:46 pm ET Mar 21st from web
- Conan OBrien: Just did a 50,000 piece jigsaw puzzle, with the picture FACE DOWN!
10:26:56 pm ET Mar 19th from web
- Conan OBrien: The Spider-Man musical is ineligible for next year’s Tonys, which is a shame – it was a shoo-in for “Best Shrieking Plummet From A Ceiling.”
3:20:48 pm ET Mar 18th from web
- Conan OBrien: Check out “Eagleheart” tonight at Midnight & find out why it's called "the best show on Adult Swim that's exec produced by Conan O'Brien."
7:35:42 pm ET Mar 17th from web
- Conan OBrien: Saint Patrick’s Day is named for Saint Patrick, the first guy to feed Guinness to a snake.
2:20:10 pm ET Mar 17th from web
- Conan OBrien: Happy birthday to LA Clippers’ Blake Griffin. And of course, to Thomas de Beauchamp, the 12th Earl of Warwick!
2:32:07 pm ET Mar 16th from web
- Conan OBrien: Why did that soothsayer tell Caesar to “Beware the Ides of March” when he could've more helpfully said, “Beware the knives of stabbers”?
12:08:35 pm ET Mar 15th from web
- Conan OBrien: Already filled out my March Madness brackets. I picked “The King’s Speech” over UConn.
10:36:23 am ET Mar 14th from web
- Conan OBrien: I forgot to set my clock forward and ended up sleeping right through my clock-setting class.
9:04:20 pm ET Mar 13th from web
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Conan OBrien on Twitter
Hails from: Los AngelesBio: The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Best known for: NBC cast-off
Following: 1
Followers: 5,683,045
Twitter ID: ConanOBrien
Career tweets: 880
Tweeting online since: February 18, 2010
In category: Other
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