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  • Dane Cook: One of my fav quotes: Night all!!! "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."

    2:29:03 am ET Feb 5th from web

  • Dane Cook: I've got 40 people confirmed for my SuperBowl party tomorrow & catered BBQ plus desserts aplenty. Hurry up tomorrow. GO PATS! #GOPATS

    2:14:11 am ET Feb 5th from web

  • Dane Cook: And let's not forget @Lisalla1 Eyebrow Tip: Never underestimate the power of beautiful eyebrows, as they can greatly enhance your face.

    2:07:03 am ET Feb 5th from web

  • Dane Cook: @LISALLA1 ha Twitter stinks sometimes everyone- it auto blocked a bunch of our followers.. no hate zone -let's all sing GOODNIGHT SWEETHEART

    1:59:20 am ET Feb 5th from web

  • Dane Cook: I've got 40 people confirmed for my SuperBowl party tomorrow & catered BBQ plus desserts aplenty. Hurry up tomorrow. GO PATS! #GOPATS

    1:53:05 am ET Feb 5th from web

  • Dane Cook: Ouch @Lisalla1 blocked the shit outta me. Guess that's todays version of no dessert just the check? Sing her the shananana song please

    1:29:21 am ET Feb 5th from web

  • Dane Cook: It's Saturday night. Don't forget to wash your ass.

    11:59:37 pm ET Feb 4th from web

  • Dane Cook: “Any guy who thinks he can read the mind of a woman is a guy who knows nothin’!” -Robert Evans, producer

    9:12:27 pm ET Feb 4th from web

  • Dane Cook: I'm performing at the Laugh Factory Hollywood California again tonight. 10 O'clock show time. Theme is sexy Star Wars characters.

    7:03:36 pm ET Feb 4th from Twitter for iPhone

  • Dane Cook: Is Twitter acting weird for anyone today?

    5:31:41 pm ET Feb 4th from web

  • Dane Cook: @LISALLA1 performing again in Hollywood tonight let me know if you & your gang want to come laugh it up.

    5:27:50 pm ET Feb 4th from web

  • Dane Cook: Home. http://t.co/yMa5xf0z

    9:50:23 am ET Feb 4th from Photos on iOS

  • Dane Cook: Dating shouldn't feel like the movie Black Hawk Down.

    12:59:46 am ET Feb 4th from Twitter for iPhone

  • Dane Cook: “@LISALLA1: Los Angeles- what to do on a #Friday night in LA?!?” - haha

    11:33:57 pm ET Feb 3rd from Twitter for iPhone

  • Dane Cook: Daily Life Tip: Want healthy caring relationships? Don't sleep w/ escaped convicts, politicians or people w/ a tat that says vessel of pain.

    9:04:26 pm ET Feb 3rd from web

  • Dane Cook: I'm performing - Laugh Factory - Hollywood - 10 o'clock show tonight. Theme is sexy 80s attire.

    8:23:19 pm ET Feb 3rd from Twitter for iPhone

  • Dane Cook: Its Friday night. Do you know where your morals are?

    7:53:46 pm ET Feb 3rd from Twitter for iPhone

  • Dane Cook: @LISALLA1 said: "I'm realist" -- I can see that. Well I'm a surrealist.

    9:55:34 pm ET Feb 2nd from web

  • Dane Cook: @LISALLA1 Ha -- I thought you would at least fight me a little on this one but instead you went with the 5 strikeouts reply. "Kkkkk true"

    9:40:14 pm ET Feb 2nd from web

  • Dane Cook: @LISALLA1 said: " #Girls just want to have fun!" - @DaneCook said: " #Guys just want to have sex!"

    8:59:32 pm ET Feb 2nd from web

  • Dane Cook: If I was trapped about to be gang attacked & you offered me a broken fish spatula & a wet magazine or Bradley Cooper. I'd have to think.

    8:37:11 pm ET Feb 2nd from web

  • Dane Cook: Don't wanna brag but I know very powerful people. I just watched a pre-screening of the SuperBowl on Air Force One with Tupac.

    8:29:23 pm ET Feb 2nd from web

  • Dane Cook: This is one of the worst things I've ever viewed but I can't stop singing it. I hate that this exists. DON'T WATCH: http://t.co/godlqdEi

    8:12:19 pm ET Feb 2nd from web

  • Dane Cook: I listen to the voice in your head.

    6:14:47 pm ET Feb 2nd from Twitter for iPhone

  • Dane Cook: It's #RThursday. Scroll back through my ramblings - RT posts that make your world a better place to rent in.

    5:22:29 pm ET Feb 2nd from web

  • Dane Cook: When in doubt kill everybody.

    4:53:09 pm ET Feb 2nd from web

  • Dane Cook: Wicked fricken pissa. Shit Boston Guys say: (Massholes) http://t.co/hYSkW0KW

    4:47:34 pm ET Feb 2nd from Twitter for iPhone

  • Dane Cook: RT @ColtonTran: Great comedy show last night at #Improv! Then to end the night on a high note @danecook popped in finished the show! http://t.co/5i6Rnrce

    12:19:01 am ET Feb 2nd from Echofon

  • Dane Cook: Blocking someone on Twitter is like banishing them to the Phantom Zone with Zod, Ursa & Non. #ThePowerOfOneButton #HaterJail

    12:17:32 am ET Feb 2nd from web

  • Dane Cook: Got a text, email & voicemail -same person- within 3 min. Waiting for a pigeon with a note tied to it's leg cooing on my window ledge next.

    11:19:16 pm ET Feb 1st from web

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Dane Cook on Twitter

Hails from: human shield
Bio: When I tweet, I tweet to kill.
Best known for: Comedian
Following: 34
Followers: 2,716,936
Twitter ID: danecook
Career tweets: 2,965
Tweeting online since: February 16, 2009
In category: Acting

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