• Dane Cook: You can't go uphill thinking downhill thoughts.

    1:45:15 pm ET Mar 9th from web

  • Dane Cook: RT @HeatVisionBlog : new 'Tron Legacy' trailer http://bit.ly/cugAf2 -- Between this & IM2 Im back2geekmode

    4:44:12 am ET Mar 9th from web

  • Dane Cook: 2night I found my old Cracked mags & my Fangoria collection 1st 100 issues. Reminiscing about how laid I never got.

    4:19:22 am ET Mar 9th from web

  • Dane Cook: http://twitpic.com/17grji - Some1 put this @ the summit of a canyon I run/hike. And the creepy-melting-scaryass-f'ed up award goes 2..

    9:49:27 pm ET Mar 8th from TwitPic

  • Dane Cook: EMAILED QUESTION: Spaceballs or Airplane better 1? Damn that is 1 of the toughest questions ever.

    6:49:27 pm ET Mar 8th from web

  • Dane Cook: describe your first sexual experience? in 1 word. Dc: present

    6:37:52 pm ET Mar 8th from web

  • Dane Cook: current favorite CD/Album? Dc: All joking aside Gaga teeth a cool song 2 work out 2. cage the elephant .. Adelitas Way INVINCIBLE my song!

    6:33:51 pm ET Mar 8th from web

  • Dane Cook: fav SNL moment? Dc: 1st person 2 do the season finale & then the season opener. Bad ass. Stand up on both. Cast was so great 2 me

    6:31:47 pm ET Mar 8th from web

  • Dane Cook: favorite chick flick? Dc: Steel Magnolias, Mermaids & Tight Girls or anything w/ @clubalektrablue

    6:27:03 pm ET Mar 8th from web

  • Dane Cook: weirdest sexual fantasy ever? Dc: involves lite butter, wet tissue, photos of space, a rickshaw, all of my exs, hugs & Ebay.

    5:59:20 pm ET Mar 8th from web

  • Dane Cook: what's the most you have won gambling?/via @DouglasPrice1 Dc: In 1990 I bet my life I would make it as a performer.

    5:54:06 pm ET Mar 8th from Tweetie

  • Dane Cook: skydiving w/any 3 people (dead or alive) who would b? Dc: I would never skydive w/dead people but they wouldnt need shoots

    5:50:27 pm ET Mar 8th from web

  • Dane Cook: Largest amount money u lost at casino?/via @aldgurl Dc: Lost 5k on 1 hand blackjack. But I got extra bacon w/my free pity breakfast.

    5:48:25 pm ET Mar 8th from web

  • Dane Cook: Will you ever do a show in Dubai? Dc: My fav comedy club is there its called Huh's?

    5:44:39 pm ET Mar 8th from web

  • Dane Cook: Im minus 7% body fat now, bones replaced w/lightweight scandium alloy! Had 2 get shredded 4 Captain America audition & standup tour.

    5:43:19 pm ET Mar 8th from web

  • Dane Cook: if u were a UFC fighter what would ur nickname b?/via @MattPhillips22 Dc: Dane "Parley" Cook

    5:23:29 pm ET Mar 8th from Tweetie

  • Dane Cook: do u see you'll retire someday?/via @KidFamous23 Dc: retired in 1990 been living my dream ever since

    5:20:05 pm ET Mar 8th from Tweetie

  • Dane Cook: R u touring Toronto again, anytime soon? I love seeing u live!/via @jessjesslima Dc: no new tour. Working on developing film/new comedy

    5:17:33 pm ET Mar 8th from Tweetie

  • Dane Cook: did you agree with the best picture winner last night?/via @melisssaa10 Dc: Hurt Locker was a powerful film & it deserves it's success.

    5:15:33 pm ET Mar 8th from Tweetie

  • Dane Cook: @danecook will u make an employee of the month 2? /via @Kayleighxo_ Dc: Was there an Employee of the Month 1?

    5:12:11 pm ET Mar 8th from Tweetie

  • Dane Cook: Q&A on Twitter. Email me questions - Direct2Dane@DaneCook.com I will respond here. Make'em good.

    5:08:06 pm ET Mar 8th from Tweetie

  • Dane Cook: Quote of the night. Mo'Nique, "I am a stand-up comedian who won an Oscar!" Incredible & much deserved. Comics everywhere rejoice.

    2:28:19 am ET Mar 8th from web

  • Dane Cook: Tonights gonna be a good night. And I dont mean that in a Black Eyed Peas way. I'm just sayin Im looking forward to tonight. Mazal tov!

    9:44:24 pm ET Mar 6th from Tweetie

  • Dane Cook: Im not just a gentle lover Im also a romantic savior. Before I perform CPR I tilt your head back pinch your nose & kiss your eyes.

    9:02:57 pm ET Mar 5th from Tweetie

  • Dane Cook: Friend jst pitched me a karaoke offshoot called cookaoke. Instead of song lyrics ingredients scroll by onscreen. Is murder legal yet?

    6:44:55 pm ET Mar 5th from web

  • Dane Cook: you cant bullshit a bullshitter but you can prognosticate a prognosticator

    11:03:18 pm ET Mar 4th from web

  • Dane Cook: A bone thin skinny girl next to me is wearing the biggest sunglasses i've ever seen. Her back must be killing.

    1:58:12 pm ET Mar 4th from Tweetie

  • Dane Cook: My prayers go out to the family/friends of Chelsea King during this impossible time. It's heartbreaking.

    4:06:55 pm ET Mar 3rd from Tweetie

  • Dane Cook: The term masturbating sounds so clinical. From now on I'm referring to it as having a onesome.

    6:48:04 pm ET Mar 2nd from web

  • Dane Cook: Today Ive decided to live vicariously through myself

    5:59:49 pm ET Mar 2nd from web

Dane Cook on Twitter

Hails from: Here
Bio: Laughter Enthusiast & Vernacular Pimp
Best known for: Comedian
Following: 56
Followers: 1,381,831
Twitter ID: danecook
Career tweets: 885
Tweeting online since: February 16, 2009
In category: Acting

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