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Dane Cook: Mick Jagger is the fucking man. I'm bowing to him. He's a legend!!!!1:40:07 am ET Feb 14th from Twitter for iPhone
- Dane Cook: Incredible day w/ awesome people. Excellent friends. Stellar food. Bad ass desserts. Killer music. My BBQ should win the Pulitzer Prize.
12:20:50 am ET Feb 14th from web
- Dane Cook: Voyeur is celebrating life. We are destroying this place.
3:56:28 am ET Feb 13th from Twitter for iPhone
- Dane Cook: I just stubbed my toe so hard that I called my ex gf that I haven't spoken to in 5 years and broke up with her again.
7:17:57 pm ET Feb 12th from web
- Dane Cook: I woke up today with some interesting smells on my body.
1:21:13 pm ET Feb 12th from Twitter for iPhone
- Dane Cook: Tables at Colony & Eden. Eden now w/ friends Colony might have to wait. Too many laughs to be had here.
2:21:55 am ET Feb 12th from Twitter for iPhone
- Dane Cook: I'm not sure if these new pants I have are gonna work out. You can totally see side ball.
6:36:50 pm ET Feb 11th from web
- Dane Cook: I once named a dog Karma. (pause) Okay EVERYBODY say it............................................
4:44:14 pm ET Feb 11th from web
- Dane Cook: Hawaii Five-0 - #H50 fans: "Loa Aloha" guest starring @danecook as Danno's Brother --> http://bit.ly/fPSSEv
1:01:38 pm ET Feb 11th from Twitter for iPhone
- Dane Cook: Watching a little kid learn to brush their teeth is adorable unless they are trying to use a sharpie with no cap on.
12:48:50 pm ET Feb 11th from Twitter for iPhone
- Dane Cook: I don't need sleep. I need awake.
5:19:57 am ET Feb 11th from web
- Dane Cook: Ahhhhhh!!!!! I really want to trash my house right now but I love everything in it.
10:55:04 pm ET Feb 10th from Twitter for iPhone
- Dane Cook: Ray Allen!!!! Congrats man!!!!!
8:43:04 pm ET Feb 10th from Twitter for iPhone
- Dane Cook: RT @mariamenounos: @danecook and I watching the celts game from his screening room!! Go celts!!!!
8:26:11 pm ET Feb 10th from ÜberTwitter
- Dane Cook: The last week has been amazing. Thankful. Grateful. Working hard to reveal personal / professional. Tonight we celebrate life.
6:14:08 pm ET Feb 10th from Twitter for iPhone
- Dane Cook: RThursday means take a minute to scroll back through my timeline & RT choice cuts. I will then pick the most RT'ed & tattoo it on a baby.
3:16:04 pm ET Feb 10th from web
- Dane Cook: AMEX cardholding people-exclusive tix event for my show in NYC @fatpigbroadway pre-sale ends Sat. Go here & get 'em http://bit.ly/e5NKTm
3:02:36 pm ET Feb 10th from web
- Dane Cook: My fans are the best. So original. One just broke out of prison saying he's "on his way" to get my autograph in blood. That's dedication!
1:35:30 pm ET Feb 10th from web
- Dane Cook: INT. BEDROOM - MORNING - A beam of sunlight cuts through the break in the curtains like a light saber. It's target? Eyeballs.
11:52:18 am ET Feb 10th from Twitter for iPhone
- Dane Cook: Poker night with cool people. After that late night ritual killing ...... of breakfast.
11:00:32 pm ET Feb 9th from Twitter for iPhone
- Dane Cook: iPhone spelling autocorrect doesn't like the name Jerry. Changes it to jerk. And why w/ 7 y's becomes euthyroid. Whyyyyyyy = thyroid issues?
10:03:18 pm ET Feb 9th from Twitter for iPhone
- Dane Cook: Whoever my 1.6 millionth follower is I'm giving 2 tix 4 my play Fat Pig in NYC opening in April. Only catch?U have 2 travel via rickshaw.
8:28:36 pm ET Feb 9th from web
- Dane Cook: I've been unencumbered. I've been encumbered. And today, for the first time ever, I was cumbered. I don't recommend it.
4:57:55 pm ET Feb 9th from Twitter for iPhone
- Dane Cook: I just insured my penis for 1 million dollars. Finally.
3:28:12 pm ET Feb 9th from web
- Dane Cook: I'm about to go sweat out some toxins. I ate a poinsettia salad last night with a side of puffer fish Tetrodotoxin pudding.
2:39:15 pm ET Feb 9th from Twitter for iPhone
- Dane Cook: There's a time & a place for being lost with no watch.
2:32:06 pm ET Feb 9th from Twitter for iPhone
- Dane Cook: Dinner with friends in LA. Maybe catch a late night flick. Who wants in?
10:03:17 pm ET Feb 8th from web
- Dane Cook: Ran runyon canyon w/ iPod shuffle. Enrique's Tonight I'm F$%king You came on. I apologize 2 everyone I leered at while jogging past you.
5:52:02 pm ET Feb 8th from Twitter for iPhone
- Dane Cook: Some people brighten up a room by leaving it.
4:32:56 pm ET Feb 8th from web
- Dane Cook: Runyon you better run and hide because I'm about to .... umm ..... run on you.
3:18:33 pm ET Feb 8th from web
Dane Cook on Twitter
Hails from: human shieldBio: When I tweet, I tweet to kill.
Best known for: Comedian
Following: 48
Followers: 2,821,729
Twitter ID: danecook
Career tweets: 3,473
Tweeting online since: February 16, 2009
In category: Acting
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